Reach For The Sky (Or Don’t)
Icarus, the moron
You’ve probably heard of this dude called Icarus. If not: Icarus was a knobhead who got himself killed because he ignored his father’s warnings and flew too close to the sun. That caused the wax that held his wings together to melt away, leading him to fall to his death.
Granted, he didn’t croak after devouring a knapsack full of designer drugs with his arm elbow deep inside a prostitute’s vagina, so it’s not exactly the same as all those trust fund babies who prematurely fade away from their earthly existence, but in a way Icarus was the first kid of a wealthy person who managed to squander all of his advantages in a haze of hubris.
To me, the tale of Icarus is one of the more interesting myths because it has such a meaningful idea behind it: finding a balance is important. Don’t fly too low because the dampness of the sea will clog up and weigh down your wings, and don’t fly too high because the heat of the sun will melt your wings. It’s as relevant today as it was back then, but the issue is that most peoples’ idea of balance is completely out of whack.
Burnouts are on the rise. Depression is on the rise. Our mental health is suffering. The pandemic that we’ve been in obviously has a hand in that, but it’s certainly not the only factor. Evidence suggests that social media is a major culprit as well, and it’s not hard to see why. I am not going to bitch about how evil social media is once again, don’t worry. I already did that. I’m here to tell you you’re doing okay. And to bitch about how evil social media is, just a bit. I can’t help myself.
You’re doing fine, numbnuts
No, but seriously. In a world where we’re being bombarded by productivity gurus, carefully thought out and cultivated online personas, and shouty advertising campaigns urging us to be ‘the best we can be’ it can be kind of difficult to just be ‘average’. After all, most people don’t post their average stuff online.
If you look for recipes on Instagram, every recipe is ‘super healthy and delicious and easy to make‘ and it’s almost never ‘this recipe was kind of bland and I kinda regret spending time on it but yeah here it is anyway I guess.’ These influencers in their super fancy apartments make everything look and sound so effortlessly amazing, and that’s because they just don’t post about the mundane shit. It’s not part of their brand, and regardless of that: a bland looking salad isn’t going to get many likes and engagements.
I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: I used to do some ghostwriting for influencers. There was a time where every popular Instagram person needed to have their own blog, and I know of more than a few super popular influencers who didn’t (and probably still don’t) write their own shit. I’m not saying this to boast, nor am I saying this to shame those people (after all, you can’t be good at everything) but I just want to burst the bubble a bit. Literally no one is perfect.
Average, that’s exactly what most people are. No person or life is as perfect and fairytale-like as what those influencers are trying to portray. There’s simply no time to be great at everything. You cannot be a great cook, a fantastic photographer, a great handyman, a fantastic writer, and a great guitar player, all while maintaining a body fit for a Greek statue and keeping up with current affairs.
You’re not Hermione Granger with her fucking Time-Turner. For regular people without a time travel device, a day only has 24 hours. Becoming great at something takes time, even if you’re lucky enough to have a natural aptitude for it. That insane guitar player you see on YouTube? She has dedicated hundreds, and probably thousands of hours to her craft. Time she didn’t spend elsewhere, so perhaps she’s a shitty cook or a lousy painter. And that’s okay. She shouldn’t compare herself to Gordon Ramsay, and as long as she is happy with her cooking it’s all good.
It’s perfectly acceptable to just be ‘okay’ at something. I am decent at guitar, for example. Nothing more, but also nothing less. I am a doofus when I compare myself to popular YouTube shredders, but I’m a God when I compare myself to my friend who played seriously for a year or so and now only occasionally picks up his guitar.
You don’t suck at guitar because you can’t shred that thing like Steve Vai. You’re not a horrible runner because you’re ‘only’ running at a pace of 5 minutes per kilometer. You’re not an awful painter because people aren’t paying millions for your work. You don’t have to be the best. Of course Mozart could run musical circles around almost everyone who has studied music for decades, and most modern composers don’t even come close to his abilities and talent, but that shouldn’t stop your from making your own music.
If everyone thought that way we wouldn’t have modern music. Imagine what the world of music would look like if a certain Jimi Hendrix had thought ‘well I’ll never be as good as Eric Clapton so I’ll just leave it at that’. Sounds fucking stupid, right?
People have a tendency to ‘compare up’. It’s okay to have idols and to look up to certain people, but don’t make the mistake of using their abilities or lives as ‘the standard’ because they’re not. These are, in the case of athletes and artists, people who are in the 99th percentile of their respective fields and literally get paid to do whatever it is that they do as a full-time occupation, of course you’re not going to get to their level by practicing two hours every other day after work, it’s simply not possible.
There is nothing wrong with being average, or just ‘good’ at something. There’s almost always going to be someone who has it (or does it) better than you. It’s the very nature of life. There’s only room for one ‘world’s best’ and odds are you’re not it. That’s perfectly fine, and it doesn’t mean that you suck at whatever hobby you’re enjoying. Compare down every so often as well, not just when looking at your hobbies, but at your life in general. You’ll be surprised at how good you’re doing.
Toxic productivity
Another nefarious side effect of social media is that it can give people the impression that every waking hour needs to be spent being ‘productive’ (what even is that, there are so many interpretations of that word) in some way, shape, or form. No time to just veg out on the sofa, gotta be productive!
Make lists! Wake up at 5 AM because some influencer does that! Stay up until 3 AM because some other influencer does that! Learn coding! Learn pottery! Learn cooking! Buy that stupid monitor light bar everyone is now using! Get succulents! Go on a mindfulness walk! No, fuck that, go for a run! No, wear that weighted vest that other influencer promoted to make your run more effective! Maximise the time you’re using! Hack that life of yours!
I don’t know about you, but that sounds fucking exhausting to me. Your day off hasn’t ‘failed’ because you stumbled to your couch in the morning and remained there for almost 12 hours. Maybe that was exactly what you needed? You don’t need to be ‘developing yourself’ all time. In fact, neuroscientists say that ‘being bored’ is something that can be beneficial.
People are so different. Maybe having a completely timed and planned morning routine after waking up at 5 AM works for that studytuber, but that doesn’t mean it works for you.
Maybe you like to wing it, or maybe you like to roll out of bed five minutes before your train leaves for work. Maybe you’re someone who likes to lounge around and do nothing for an entire day every once in a while instead of cramming your days so full of shit that your head is spinning at the end of your ‘relaxing day off’. That’s cool.
Lots of people are like that, and those hyper-organised, always-on people are the minority, but of course a ‘my morning routine’ video that’s 30 seconds long because you quickly grab a toast before heading out to work isn’t as interesting, so these videos don’t get made. I mean, check this out:
You can kinda see why there’s not really a market for this type of video, yet most people’s morning routines aren’t nearly as glamorous or planned out as what you see in those popular videos.
Does that mean that waking up, taking a shower, grabbing a quick bite, and heading to work is inferior to waking up, meditating for ten minutes, then reading for fifteen minutes, then doing some brain training app, then taking an ice bath for an hour, then … ? No, it’s not. It’s not inferior. You do you, and whatever works for you is fine.
But talent?
People with a certain talent or gift for something don’t become top performers by doing nothing. All talent does is it makes it a bit easier to get going, or perhaps it means that you pick up on things a little quicker. It sure as fuck doesn’t mean that ‘talented people’ are painting Monet-like paintings from the moment they pick up a brush. Think of talent like a little experience booster for most people. A lack of talent doesn’t mean you can’t become at least proficient at something.
Talent or ‘a gift’ really only starts to become a limiting factor at the highest of levels, so for most people it doesn’t really matter in the sense that a ‘lack of talent’ isn’t going to hold you back. If your hand-eye coordination is on the lower end of the curve and you’re only 180 centimeters in height you’ll most likely never make it to the NBA no matter how hard you train, but you sure can become a really good player at the mid to high levels, just not in the top tier. If your reflexes are slow and you’re not good at thinking on the fly you’ll most likely never be a professional gamer, but you sure can get to the highest matchmaking rank in whatever game you choose.
It all comes down to practice, practice, and oh yeah you guessed it: even more practice. Those ‘insanely talented people’ you see on YouTube, Instagram, and that shithole TikTok? Yeah, they have also practiced for hundreds or thousands of hours.
I played against Romelu Lukaku (striker for Chelsea, Manchester United, Inter Milan, …) in the youth leagues, and of course it was pretty obvious that he had a natural aptitude for football, but had he stopped practicing and training right then and there, the man would be playing in the Sunday Leagues today. It’s kind of a silly example, perhaps, but talent isn’t some kind of ticket that you can cash in to become great instantly. A lot of hard work is still required to make it to the top.
No one starts out as one of the world’s greats, not even insanely talented people. All talent is, is a mix of physical and mental traits and wirings in the brain that are beneficial for whatever skill it is you’re trying to learn. Nothing more. It sure is super handy to be talented at something you enjoy, but don’t let a lack of ‘talent’ discourage you from enjoying your hobbies. And again: stop comparing yourself to the 99th percentile, it makes zero sense.
Give yourself a break
Maybe even literally.
Instagram, TikTok, and all of that shit is straight up toxic. I’m on there myself, so I’m not some kind of preachy twat who’s telling you to go live in the woods to live off the land or whatever, but take these things in moderation, and please don’t take anything of what you see on there as ‘the reality’ or ‘the standard’. People always post the best versions of themselves, and celebrities and influencers have an image to maintain in order to protect their income.
The social media world is a fake world, with doctored images, curated personas, and other fake shit. It can be fun, of course. I follow a couple of very interesting accounts, and cute cat videos are always a treat, but again, take it for what it is: an entertainment platform. Where you are the product and everything is designed to keep you hooked up to Meta’s Matrix for as long as possible, but that’s a different discussion.
Take a breath, relax. Unplug every once in a while. Be bored. Veg out on the couch. Turn off those work notifications in your free time. It’s cool.
Now of course I’m not a nihilistic asshole. I’m not saying that nothing matters, or that you shouldn’t aim to improve yourself or your life. It’s okay to have dreams, and to aspire to be the best you can be (in all aspects of life) but in this age of social media running rampant and causing havoc to the mental health of the entire population of planet earth I think it’s also important to consider the fact that we’re all human. We all have our strengths, but also weaknesses. And there’s only so much time in a day to dedicate to hobbies or other pursuits. Comparing yourself to a heavily edited and curated image of a person online is as worthless as comparing yourself to Shrek’s Lord Farquaad. Both people don’t exist in real life.
The photo of the person in the museum came from rawpixel.com – www.freepik.com
Painting of Icarus by Joos de Momper the Younger – Own work, Bjoertvedt, 2010-11-24, CC BY-SA 3.0
Other images were made by me.